Tips when arguing!

Arguments and disagreements are a normal part of all relationships! But what separates a healthy relationship from an unhealthy relationship, is how the couple handles the argument and how each partner responds when he or she are angry. 

​Here are some quick tips on what do when you find yourself in this situation and how to respond in a healthy way.

• Learn how to manage your own response when feeling emotional
  • Whether you need to take a deep breath, take a walk, or listen to music. Finding a way to manage your emotions in the heat of the moment is key! It is during this time that you need to stay focused in on how you are going to help your relationship. This is the time to stop the negative self-talk!
    
  • I should also note that this does not mean ignoring your emotion, this is more focused on how you react based on your emotion.
• Allow for a break if needed
  • Breaks are a time for both partners to find a way to calm down. The important part of this, is that both partners must come back to the conversation.
  • Decide on a time-out signal or hand motion if needed.
  • Respect your partner if they call for a time out!
  • Call your own time out!
• Begin with what you are experiencing
  • If you want your partner to hear you, start your response with what you are experiencing and take responsibility for your emotions. You can still do this by stating what is going on and it is best if you are specific.
  • Example: When you don’t initiate physical intimacy, I feel lonely and unwanted, I would like if you initiated physical intimacy.
• Listen to your partner
  • When your partner is sharing what he or she is experiencing, this is your time to listen with empathy, so you can validate your partner. This is not the time to plan your rebuttal or point out why you believe they are wrong. 

​Stay tuned as I will discuss these tips in more detail in the upcoming posts. 
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​If you would like to dive deeper and find out how these steps apply in your relationship, feel free to contact me for your free consultation. You may also learn about all these skills in a step-by step online class called Relationship Wellness.  

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By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT

Priscilla is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and understands that all relationships are unique and teaches couples how to manage their differences in a healthy and efficient way. If you are interested in exploring how you and your partner can learn to manage differences, contact Priscilla for your free consultation. ​