Self-Care Series - Relationships and impact on self-care

Relationships mean everything. They influence us in many ways and we often don’t notice. 

When it comes to self-care and relationships, boundaries play a huge role in how we balance our work/life stress and relationships. Identifying healthy relationship boundaries is important so you can feel fulfilled and satisfied. 

What are healthy boundaries? 

 ​I will share two quick boundaries you can implement in your life today.
Saying no
Boundaries are what make you feel comfortable and safe in relationships. Boundaries help guide how you will interact with someone else and the voice inside that tells you that you may be pushing your limit. By setting healthy boundaries, you are protecting yourself from getting hurt by others and you are protecting your relationship.
One important healthy boundary is knowing you can say no. I understand that there are times you will say yes to others around you and may you see this as a way you are helping, but you must be aware of when this begins to impact your lifestyle balance.

Some questions to ask yourself would be:
Are you not attending to certain responsibilities due to others?
Does saying yes lead you to feel stressed, anxious or overwhelmed?
Do you want to be getting more from others in order to meet your needs?
Do the people around you ignore you when you say no?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it may be a great time to start incorporating saying no sometimes.
I know you may be thinking, “but I can’t, my (fill in the blank with the person) may get mad at me or make me feel guilty.” Relationships involve a give and take, and if you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious and stressed out, I’m sure the other person on the other end would be willing to help you out, they may just not know that you need the help. Sometimes saying no to someone else, is helping yourself out.

Know your own expectations
Sometimes we get upset at others because of something that was not done or at least not done how we wanted. This comes down to expectations. First, you must be able to know your own expectations and then be able to relay that message to those around you.

Expectations can involve:
How you want to be loved
How you want to be supported
Who you want to turn to when feeling down

​No one can read minds and no one can know exactly what you want. Therefore, share what your expectations are with your friends and family. Let them know how you can rely on them and how they can rely on you.

​How can you do this more frequently? 

Constantly check-in with yourself.

• Ask yourself if you are feeling okay and what you can do to change it
• Ask yourself what decisions can be made today to feel confident and successful
  • This will vary for everyone, for some it may be closing a deal at work, for others it may be going to the grocery store to make sure you are eating well.
• How is your relationship with your spouse and with your friends?
  • Are you making time for them?
  • What do they say about how you are doing?
  • What are you talking about with them? Are you talking about how much you hate your job and how tired you are, or are you talking about your next goal is?
    • What we talk about with others is often what is on our mind, so if you find yourself constantly talking about negative things in your life, you’re only going to see the negative things in your life. Start to change your perception by adding in some positivity. 

Want to learn more about relationships and how self-care combine, be sure to check out my upcoming couples workshops. 

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By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT 

I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.