Self-Care Series - Is engaging in self-care selfish?

When speaking with women, I often hear that they do not have time to engage in self-care because they are too busy taking care of their kids, they’re too busy working, cooking, cleaning, running errands, and the list can go on. 

Many times, women feel that they should put others first because everyone relies on them and often feel bad if they say no to other people. The constant pull of looking great and being the best often leads to the false sense that you can be perfect. Let me just say, no one is perfect, we are all human. We all make mistakes. And we all need to learn how to forgive and love ourselves. ​

So why do women allow themselves to do this? 

Women take up the role of being the nurturer in the family. Often feeling like they are the ones to care for everyone, not just meeting physical needs, but also emotional needs. So when it comes to family and friends, it is often difficult to say no to others because these are close loved ones. It is so easy to invest in others and many women say, "I am happy if my family is happy." Yet women find themselves tired, overwhelmed, stressed out and losing control of their own life and identity.
Women sometimes feel like they can never catch up and the more they give and give, the harder it is to feel at peace. This constant battle can lead women to feel resentful towards others. This may look like questioning oneself of “why do I continue to say yes to everyone, but when I need help, no one is there,” or “I do everything for everyone, this is the last time I am doing this.” Then you find yourself saying yes to something the following week. 

How to avoid this?

It is okay to to stop and put yourself first. ​Taking care of yourself does not mean you are selfish or a bad mom, wife, sister, daughter, or friend. Taking care of yourself means that you love yourself and you know that to care for someone else, you must take care of yourself. And sometimes this does mean saying no to someone else. 

How often should you engage in self-care activities and what does it look like?

​Many people believe that self-care means taking a vacation, going to the spa regularly, getting a nice long massage. While these do constitute as self-care and sound very nice, it is unrealistic to do this daily.
​So, what can you do to make sure you are taking care of yourself? Well stay tuned for the next blog posts that will have a list of activities that you can do daily to engage in self-care. 

In the meantime, be sure to sign-up for free relationship tips sent straight to your inbox!

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By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT

I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.