These past few months have brought up many different moments of feeling grief. As I have continued to work with engaged and newlywed couples, I have continued to hear a common theme of experiencing some sort of “Post Wedding Blues” after their wedding day.
If you are wondering if post wedding blues are real, I want to share with you that they are in fact real for some couples. The reason why couples may experience the post wedding blues may vary from each other. Also, the post wedding blues can affect the immediate family as well.
Before I share some common reasons to experiences these blues, I want to point out that this does not mean you are ungrateful for your wedding day or that it must be a sign something is wrong. You could have the most perfect day, but may still be feeling some empty feeling and here are some reasons:
Not the wedding you imagined:
Let’s face it, we are trying so hard to get back to some sense of “normal” during this pandemic and even among all of our efforts, it is not the same. Your wedding that you are planning right now, is not the one you imagined, and it is frustrating and sad that you may not get to celebrate with everyone you envisioned. To experience some sense of grief and even some pre-wedding blues is normal.
Loss of connection:
While you are wedding planning, you have had more communication with friends and family by looking towards the same event. Suddenly, after the big day, some people may experience this connection to slow down. This is of course normal but can be felt as a sense of “losing” something (continuous communication and support).
Time for Reality:
A wedding is a milestone event which can be the beginning to a new journey. Sometimes that journey involves moving cities, completing lots of paperwork to change your name, going after that new job, going back to school, thinking of starting a family, buying a new home. Regardless of what your journey looks like, your life may change, and this can be unsettling for some people. It is natural for change to increase anxiety, stress, and worry. Learning and utilizing coping skills and communication skills to share what is happening for you will make this transition in your life easier.
The “now what” scenario:
Leading up to your big day, your calendar is booked with showers, parties, dress appointments, vendor appointments, pinning ideas, etc. With how much time and mental energy that goes into planning a wedding, afterwards can feel a little empty in that you have to find a way to fill that time up again. It can feel a little weird to not know what to do or not have a big event hovering over your head anymore.
So for the big question, what do you do then to overcome the “wedding blues?”
Talk with your partner:
You just got married and vowed to share your life with someone you love, in good times and in bad. Here is a great opportunity to utilize some of the skills you learned in premarital counseling and open up about what you are feeling, how you can support each other during this transition, and find ways to lean on each other. Remember that these emotions are normal and you are taking an opportunity to connect with your spouse, not avoid the emotions.
Highlight importance of your marriage:
I know you spent months and hours planning for your wedding, and I hope that along way you were also planning for your marriage, because now that your wedding is over, you can focus on the importance of your marriage. Remember to process what you have gained from your big day, which is After your wedding, it is important to focus on what you have gained from your big day, like you’re an amazing spouse! What does your marriage mean to you?
Plan something else:
Planning a wedding does sharpen those organizational skills, which can now be applied to something else. Be creative in what you will be planning next. Some ideas are refreshing your home or fun date nights. As humans, we naturally get excited/motivated to look forward to something, so think of what you and your spouse will accomplish next!
Get professional help:
If it has been more than 6 months of experiences sadness and are having a hard time adjusting, then it may be best to seek out professional help to process if there are any other factors contributing to your sadness.
If you are reading this and are still planning for your wedding, have a conversation now of how you will handle moments of feeling down and sad, or experience some version of the “wedding blues.” Consider improving your communication and listening skills so you both know how to handle a situation like this, or any other moment you may be feeling “blue.”
By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT
Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples by providing them with the strategic tools so that they can navigate every chapter of their lives together. Engaged couples can learn these relationship tools by completing a premarital online course. When couples complete this course they can save $60 on their marriage license and waive the 72 hour waiting period.
