Intimacy Blog Series: When Intimacy May Dip

We know that it is natural for sexual desire and passion to naturally dip in long-term relationship; but, there are also some transitions in life that may lead to a change in sex drive and passion. 

Some life transitions that may lead to a change in sexual intimacy may be:

• After getting married 
• After having a baby
• After buying a house
• Moving in with your partner
• Getting a new job
• Moving to a new city
• Taking a new medication

You may notice that some of these life transitions may also be positive, but even with a positive change, like buying a house or having a baby, this also comes with stress and an adjustment period, so it may lead to a strain on your sexual desire. Many times when we are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it becomes difficult to connect emotionally, and for many people, the need to feel emotionally connected in order to feel turned-on or in the mood to have sex, is blocked. Remember that with life transitions, there will naturally be a change in sexual desire in that it may increase or decrease, and it is best to communicate this with your partner.

Some other common times that sexual intimacy and passion may dip may be:

• Experiencing a loss of a family member
• Having a miscarriage
• Infertility
• Affairs or betrayal
• Insecurity
• Mental Illness (e.g. Depression, PTSD, Alcoholism)

​You can imagine that going through one of these events may lead to sadness, disconnect, and maybe even depression. Similar to stress getting in the way of feeling connected to your partner, experiencing one of these events or feelings can lead to a sense of loneliness, embarrassment, or abandonment. Does it mean that if one these events occur there is no coming back? Of course not! But it requires for both partners to be willing to work on their relationship to bring back the emotional intimacy and sense of safety, in order to increase the sexual desire and passion.
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For many couples in a long-term relationship, the need to feel secure, relaxed, and trust is what helps couples overcome some life transitions and events that may get in the way of their sexual desire and passion.

If you have experienced a dip in your sexual intimacy and passion, I encourage you to reflect on what has been going on in your life to lead to this moment. When we are able to point out an event or life transition, it becomes easier to take the focus away from ourselves and focus on something external.

​For example, instead of thinking, “he/she no longer finds me attractive” or “there must be something wrong with me,” we can think of “it has been really stressful lately after the baby was born and we need time to connect” or “I know you get flashbacks sometimes and I am here.”

Check out this online relationship class that is geared towards helping you and your partner maintain intimacy by providing you with practical resources and tools to implement. If you haven't signed up to receive free relationship tips, you can do so by clicking here.

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By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT

I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.