Intimacy Blog Series: Communication

​Holding onto a sexual intimacy and passion in a long-term relationship can naturally become difficult. What I have seen while working with couples, is that passion naturally ebbs and flows. 

Some couples see this is a natural recurring cycle and are comfortable with the fact that they may not be passionate and sexual in a particular time. Other couples may find this to be devastating, and feel a loss of connection, feel less of themselves as an individual, or feel insecure.
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​In this blog series I will share some ways to communicate about maintaining passion and sexual intimacy, when are some common times that passion and sexual intimacy may dip, and some things that you can do to re-spark intimacy.
 
So, when it comes to communicating about sexual intimacy, it’s first important to be on the same page of what you are discussing. I encourage you to ask each other the following questions.
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Intimacy questions

What does passion and sexual intimacy mean in our relationship?
What is the difference between passion, sex, and intimacy?
When referring to intimacy, are we discussing only sexual intimacy, physical closeness as intimacy, or emotional intimacy?
What constitutes as sex?
When does sex begin?
What does foreplay mean for you individually?
What are your sexual desires?
What are your sexual expectations?

Remember that when you are hearing these responses, they are your partner’s responses and their perception. If they do not alight with what your perception is, this is an opportunity to explore your differences. This is not a time to focus on “how they may be wrong.” There is no right or wrong answer.
 
If you have never talked about sexual intimacy with your partner, it may be uncomfortable at first, but remember to find ways to self-soothe so you are mentally present in learning about your partner.
 
Couples who take the time to communicate about their desires and expectations when it comes to being passionate and intimate, can understand each other and feel more secure about their relationship. A large part to being close with your partner is being able to communicate these desires.
 
If you have found that intimacy has been an issue in your relationship, I highly encourage you to take time and speak with your partner about what has been bothering you by using some of the guidelines above. Check out this online relationship class that is geared towards maintaining intimacy and provides you with resources to ​communicate together (steps to communicate and a list of over 50 questions to ask your partner to deepen your intimacy).

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By: Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT

I specialize in working with couples and individuals to restore their relationships by utilizing research-based therapy techniques. Feel free to look at the online services offered through Modern Wellness Counseling and check out the client portal to conveniently schedule your next appointment.